Friday, January 9, 2009

The Greatest Gift of All

I feel lucky. No honored. In fact it goes well beyond a feeling or a notion, it is known. We are all fortunate people. These truly are the greatest day’s man has ever known.

Of course I am aware that we the world is in an economic downturn that has repercussions rippling to every corner of the civilized economic world.

There is war across much of the Middle East and religious tyranny reigns more prevalent today as it ever has.

It was announced today that unemployment in the US has reached 7.2%, a staggering number. I fret not.

The very infrastructure that supports our way of life is in question so why am I so brash, so nonchalant? Am I blind to the days that will come? Do I not know my own way of life and realize what impact the next year or few years will have on my future? What is it that keeps me above all this?

Do I feel the promise of hope in President Elect Obama?

Do I have an uncanny premonition of a return to glory for the US and its mighty economy?

Can I solve global warming, feed the hungry, educate the unlearned, clothe the cold and provide for the needy?

I cannot say for certain that I can do any of those things, but I must say that I still rest easy at night with the knowledge I have.

You see I realized something last night, something profound, real and yet so simple.
With desire and will we can overcome all.
I learned this from the greatest human ever, Tim Tebow, or as I like to call him, The Second Coming.

Tebow is the greatest gift we have ever received. We as a people should recognize this and begin our life of service to him.

Everything about Tebow is perfect. In fact, some may say he is the most perfect thing that has ever and will ever exist. These people are correct. The Alpha, the Omega, the Upsilon, the Supreme. In fact the word ‘perfect’ is to be replaced with the word ‘Tebow.’ We know Tebow exists because it would be weak and nonperfect to not exist. Tebow is incapable of imperfection and nonexistence. Zesus ain’t got shit on Tebow.

I have always been in awe of Tebow; he optimizes everything I strive to be in life. Last night’s triumphant victory of the Florida Gators (my favorite team of all time) served as the perfect reminder of how fortunate we are to live in the era of Tebow.

History will look back and refer to those that lived during the Tebow years as the Greatest Generation.

Soon we will all wear our hair gelled with pride and sport the finest of designer T’s. No man will withhold tears at a press conference and we will celebrate our accomplishments and feats with chest bumps, fist pumps and “Let’s go!” cheers. The formal ceremonial celebration once referred to as the “run around such as a jackass would” will now be known as “Tebow that dude.” The universe will soon fear the might of Tearthbow (the natural evolution of the name for the planet Tebow inhabits and allows us to remain on). The universe will never see a species work so hard, try so hard, fight so hard and do stuff so hard as we will for the rest of this game we call existence.

We will all learn to circumcise babies in third world nations and we will replace all religions icons (blasphemy) with the Heisman. Orange is the greatest of all colors, followed only by blue and green. All other colors are non Tebow and will no longer exist.

People unite!

Tebow has come to us all. Celebrate this gift. Relish in all that his presence brings. Clap your hands in a gator like mimicking motion at all those that stand in the way of Tebow. If opposition stands in our way, hah!, we’ll run right up the middle and like score all, wicked like.
Join me as I jump shot the most Tebow pass to the endzone of life and lead mankind to the BCS of the Universe!

Tebow will lead, all those that follow will be yelled at and belittled by his might, but we will be forever his.


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